Author: Karsemeyer, John

Paraprosdokian Sentences, Bluegrass Style

Paraprosdokian sentences are based on a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader (or listener) to reinterpret or re-frame the first part. Paraprosdokian is from the Greek meaning “beyond” and, meaning “expectation.” Many of you readers know this already. I was reading a list of them recently and think an adaptation is called for. What if this concept were applied to the world of bluegrass?

1. I asked God for a guitar, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a guitar and asked for forgiveness.

2. The last thing I want to do is leave you behind at a bluegrass festival when it's over. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why banjo players appear bright until you hear them speak (think banjo jokes, nothing personal, I play one).

4. If I agreed with you on the definition of bluegrass music we'd both be wrong.

To steal song lyrics from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

5. As a young person I thought I wanted a career as a bluegrass musician. Turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

6. I didn't say it was your fault that you got my favorite campsite at the festival, I said I was blaming you.

7. Women will never be equal to men at a bluegrass festival until they can walk around with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think that they are sexy.

8. Behind every successful man who has “made it” in bluegrass music is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

9. Always borrow a bluegrass musical instrument from a pessimist. He won't expect to get it back.

10. “Bluegrass Hospitality” is making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

11. I keep missing you at those bluegrass festivals, but my aim is getting better.

12. That ain't no part of nothin', but it might be part of something.

13. Of course I remember you from last year's Fathers Day Festival at Grass Valley. I never forget a shirt.

In closing I'd like to mention that the band I play with is the best bluegrass band that never accomplished anything.

It's a good day to go out and play some bluegrass music, do it!

Posted:  4/9/2011

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