Author: Judd, Brooks

Ten Items or Less--I Had a Dream

(Editor’s Note—Brooks’ first-Friday column was more or less preempted by our struggles with the dreaded viral-bot last week so we’re running his ten items this morning. Mark Varner, who’s hopeful resting peacefully after one LONG week in Nashville, will be back next month.)

I had a dream the other night and in my dream I was writing the annual April 1 Welcome Column for the CBA and all the items, though they were “April Fool” worthy, were actually true. Here goes.

Item 1: CBA membership took a dramatic leap and almost doubled as a record 1,758 new memberships have been taken and recorded since the 2010 Father’s Day Bluegrass Festival.

Item 2: A record 75 CBA members filled out forms to run for the CBA Board. Because of the number of candidates a special edition of the CBA Breakdown had to be printed to carry all the candidate’s campaign statements.

Item 3: Based on item #2, all the current CBA Board members have met and agreed that the field of 75 candidates is so strong and informed that they have decided not to run in 2011 and take a much needed rest. The CBA sends out a group hug and a huge “Thank You” to all of the CBA Board members who have sweated blood, sweat and tears over these past years.

Item 4: In a decision that has the entire CBA community buzzing, TV station CMT has decided to broadcast not only primetime performances but the entire 2011 Father’s Day Bluegrass Festival. A CMT spokesperson said that CMT has been closely watching the CBA for some time now and has come to the conclusion that the CBA’S annual Father’s Festival is now universally known as one of the elite bluegrass festivals in the world.

Item 5: After a long and arduous board meeting the Grass Valley Board of Supervisors has decided to lower their rental fee of the Grass Valley Fairgrounds to $1. The Board feels the CBA has brought so much positive publicity to its small fair city that charging anything over $1 would be downright mean and counter productive.

Item 6: Due to the troubling economy bands that have agreed to play at the 2011 Father’s Day Festival have met privately and have decided to cut back their asking prices by 15% to insure that the CBA keeps on rolling.

Item 7: Item # 6 may not be needed: The Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival pioneer and promoter, Warren Hellman, has graciously granted the CBA $1,000,000 to be used to set up a grant under the CBA’s name to maintain solvency and continue to put on the best bluegrass shows in the country.(World)

Item 8: J.D. Rhyne’s new cookbook has gone over the one million mark in copies sold and J.D. has been asked to appear on Oprah. After J.D. shares recipes with Oprah he will embark on the talk show circuit, beginning with visits to the Letterman and Leno shows. Congratulations to J.D.

Item 9: Speaking of books, Rick Cornish, long time CBA Chairman of the Board, now retired, has just been notified that he has won the prestigious Pulitzer Prize for Non-Fiction in his quasi-biographical, “True Stories, Well, Almost True Stories of a Left-Handed Fiddle Player.” Rick’s book of tales (some tall, some not so tall) of his early years, high school, college, post college and CBA years has just topped the 3 million mark in books sold. It recently went into its third printing and will be coming out in paperback this June to coincide with the 2011 Father’s Day Festival.

The now famous cover artwork for Rick’s book, done by his lovely wife, Lynn, has captured the eyes of the art world and has awarded Lynn the prestigious Cadbury award for artwork. Because of this the bluegrass community is urging the U.S. Post Office to issue a “Bluegrass Stamp” of Lynn’s beautifully done painting of her three adorable Labs joyously romping through a sunflower speckled field at the Cornish’s home in Sonora.

Item 10: March 2011: The San Francisco Giants raced onto the field in the warm Arizona sun for the first day of spring training. The Giants will face reporters and do something they have never had to do since they moved to San Francisco in 1958. The San Francisco Giants will willingly and most graciously discuss in full detail how they won the 2010 World Series.

To quote Mr. Louis Armstrong, “And what a wonderful world it would be.”

Quiz time: What cat loving poet said this in a very famous poem? “I should have been a pair of ragged claws, scuttling across the floors of silent seas.” Need help? Here’s another line from the same poem. “I have heard the mermaids singing each to each; I do not think they will sing to me.”

No, it isn’t Bill Monroe.

Until next time, read a book, listen to and make some music, say yes to someone and make a child smile.
Posted:  10/4/2010

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