Author: Rhynes, J.D.

Some of life's most embarrassing moments

I've spent this last week er so, trying to think of what subject I could talk about in my monthly welcome message fer you folks, when I was reminded of how embarrassing moments come our way most unexpectedly. More on this at the end of this message. Then, I remembered two embarrassing stories as related to me by two of my friends in the Bluegrass community, that happened to them some years ago. The first story was told to me by my departed friend Billy B. Boren of Las Vegas, Nevada. He always told me this story about himself, then went into wild fits of laughter. Billy B. loved to laugh! Here's how Billy B. told the story. Some years ago, he was at the Strawberry festival, and he made the acquaintance of a good looking young woman, around the age of 26 or 27. In Billy's words, I was around 56 or 57 at the time and still a pretty handsome man. [ I thought ] She and I kept company with each other fer a day er so, and late that nite at a jam session, I asked her if'n she would like to spend the nite with me? Jes about that time, the music STOPPED, and she replied where EVERYONE present could hear her answer! She said, Billy, you're too old for me. In fact, you're too old for my MOTHER! Every one there fell down laughing Billy said! Billy B, Boren was a real character if there ever was one, and a friend of mine till the end.

The next story was told to me by my good friend, Mac Wiseman, back stage at our festival some years ago. Mac and I were talking of things that have happened to us onstage and off over the years, and I asked him WHAT was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to him in his long and illustrious career?

He thought fer a moment and replied; J.D., I would have to say that an incident that happened to me in Cincinnati, Ohio around 1950 or '51 was the most embarrasing thing that ever happened to me. At the time, I had a band of three other musicians with me, and this one ol boy was around 19 or 20 years old, and I dont think he had ever been out of the county he had been born in, until I hired him to play bass in my band. Part of the deal I had with the band was this. I paid them all $25.00 a week, and paid for their meals when we were on the road. Mac said, now you have to remember that back in those times, you could buy the best lunch in town for 50 to 75 cents apiece. We were in this little cafe in Cincinnati having lunch, and I finished my meal, and told the boys that I was gonna go pay our bill.,left a quarter on the table as a tip for our waitress, and got up and went to the cash register. Mac said, now back then, a waitress was probably making 40 to 50 cents an hour for wages, so a quarter tip was a pretty good sized tip. Well, he said, jes about the time my turn came to pay my tab, this 'ol country Bass player came walkin' up, and SNAPPED that quarter on the counter top, and said; MAC, you left a quarter on the table! Mac told me; J.D., I could have walked out UNDER the door I was so embarrassed! Then we both had a good laugh over it all.

Well, like I said at the start of this message, we NEVER know when an embarrassing moment will happen to us. Here's one that happened to me about two weeks ago. I had to go take care of some personal business matters in Sacramento one day, so I "dressed up" a little bit fer the occasion. Nothing fancy, jes a nice white shirt, my Turquoise Bolo, and black wool vest and my black hat, Levi's, and boots. My normal "outfit" you might say. Well, after taking care of things in Sacramento, I headed home, and on the way home, I stopped at the grocery store In Jackson fer a few things. I was at the check out stand, and the lady ahead of me was dressed real nice in expensive jeans, a nice sweater, obviously expensive jewelry, etc. I judged her to be in her late 50's, a very pretty woman. She glanced at me a time or two, as people usually do at the stores, and after she had paid fer her things, she turned to me and said; I just have to tell you how "distinguished" you look. Well, I was surprised at her words, thanked her, and told her that this was the first time I had ever been accused of this! We both had a little laugh over this, and she left. WEELLL, while the checker was totaling up my purchase, I got to admiring my image in the office window nearby, and thinking; By golly, I DO look distinguished! Well as the Bible sez, pride goeth before the fall! I'm pushing my cart of groceries to the door, "LOOKIN' GOOD", when jes at that time I catch my toe on the rug that they put jes inside the door! I stumbled forward, and let out a loud yell! AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!! Almost hit the floor, and would have, had it not been fer that grocery cart I was stretched out behind, with about 30 people lookin at me, thinking, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM? Bounced the cart off the side of the glass door, and blew my "distinguished" cool right out the door! MAN, does GOD ever let us know that we are NOT in control! You talk about a heapin' helping of "humble pie", with a big side dish of "crow" fer dessert! I really got it ! Well, on the way up the hill, I got to thinking of how I must have looked in front of those people, and I got to laughing so hard I could hardly drive, so I jes had to stop at the lumber yard and tell the story to my buddies there too. The Moral? NEVER get above yer raising! A country boy will ALWAYS be a country boy, and you know what? That's plenty good fer this 'ol "country boy"! Thank you and GOD bless you all.
Posted:  2/25/2010

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