Author: Campbell, Bruce

Reality Check

Iíve been writing this welcome column for at least 5 years now, and at a rate of 50 or so per year, thatís about 250 columns.

Sometimes, my columns tickle the heck out of me, and land with a thud. No reaction. Others were tossed off with just the wispiest of premises and strike a nerve amongst the readership and create a flurry of comments.

Letís see how this one does. I have some ideas Iíd like to throw out there and get your reaction.

All Dog Act for Fatherís Day Festival 2013
We dipped our toes in the water, allowing dogs in certain areas at the 2012 Fatherís Day Festival in certain areas. Depending on who you talked to, or what you stepped in, the experiment was a crashing success, a resounding failure, or something in between.

I think the next logical step in welcoming our canine friends is to reserve a slot on the Big Stage for an all dog bluegrass act. Note I said ďbluegrassĒ act Ė I donít want any dogs crooning Sinatra tunes Ė I want real bluegrass, performed by real dogs. Discuss.

Sponsorship for CBA Board Members
What do you think about the idea of selling sponsorships for each Board member? The Board member would have to wear a shirt bearing the Sponsorís logo at each festivaland at each Board meeting. I think this would serve two purposes. It would:
1) Raise money for the CBA
2) Force Board members to constantly range far and wide at CBA events

The minutes for the Board meetings would mention the Sponsorís name (ďBruce Campbell, brought to you by Sham Wow, seconded the motionĒ) ensuring the Sponsorís name would be permanently enshrined in CBA records. What do you think?

Replace Banjo Bob logo with caricature of Carrot Top
Carrot Top has high name and image recognition amongst the younger set, and sets a great example for physical fitness besides. I donít know this for sure, but I think Carrot Top would also be an ideal Emcee for the All Dog Bluegrass act. Donít react right away Ė think about. Doesnít the notion just grow on you?

Install permanent, state-of-the-Art, reclining seats at Grass Valley
No more of those easily tipped, flimsy, low lawn chairs. I canít get out of them easily, and every time I get comfortable, the chairís rightful owner kicks me out (nicely, but still, I have to get up!)

Get comfortable, plush, leather reclining La-Z-Boys throughout the main stage area. Make the first 4 rows have the massaging option, too. I did some price shopping and I think these could be installed for less than a cool million dollars. I figure we could earmark funds from the Board Member Sponsorships to pay for this. I do ask, however, that we refrain from selling the naming rights for the chairs. That would be tacky, donít you think?

Have a Synchronized Banjo competition at the Campouts
Watching synchronized swimming and diving at the recent London Olympics got me thinking. What other, intricate, graceful events could we synchronize? My first idea, Synchronized Chin-Ups, lacked drama. My second idea, Synchronized Cud Chewing was too slow, and frankly, disgusting.

But my third idea made of for all that: Synchronized Banjo picking. If you saw Earl, Pete Wernick, Steve Martin et al picking ďFoggy Mountain BreakdownĒ on David Letterman a while back you know how the sound of multiple banjos gets your heart racing. Sort of like being awakened by a catfight in the middle of the night. We could assign a difficulty factor and have a panel of distinguished judges, and who knows? It COULD be in the Olympics in 2016!

These are just a few of my ideas. I sure would like your feedback on them.

Posted:  9/19/2012

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